Sayeed - Life and Law School

:: Wednesday, January 21, 2004 ::

Well I'm back.

What a vacation I had. I remember the mornings. Goat cheese on toast, that cream that comes off of the top of buffalo milk, because cow's milk isn't rich enough, spread on toast with Guava jelly, eggs, just how I like them. Orange juice. Pomegranites, sweet white, dripping red. More guavas, pink inside. Freshly made jam from my aunt's backyard. Toasted homemade bread, grainy, rich, strangely addictive. I remember my family gathered around the dinner table, and my cousins everywhere.

This wedding was on my mother's side, and they're less strict than my father's, and so I remember the dancing, the singing, and the wild bhangra escorting Asaad (the groom) into the marquee. I remember my sweet little cousin Saba, in that poignant crisis and drama that always comes with latter teenage years. I remember my uncle making me laugh, and his little personality traits and quirks, saying things which could only come from him. His wife, my aunt, steadfast and strong, with simple goodness evident in everything about her. I remember my grandfather, always knowing the perfect thing to say, and the perfect time to say it, and my grandmother, with all her quiet, sweet kindnesses. Neverending.

I remember my great aunt and great uncle, magnanimous and hospitable, and all the conversations which we had which I so enjoy. I remember Saba and Asaad's other first cousins, so friendly, and so fun-loving and sincere. What a joy to meet them. I remember my khala, Sana and Asia's mother, always thinking of how to keep everyone's feelings in mind, worrying more for theirs' than her own. Her husband, my dear khaloo, and his enveloping sense of peace. I remember Sana and Amir, and that day we spent together which meant so much more than just one day to me. I remember missing Asya, and Omar, and Nicolas, and all the other people who should have been there, celebrating, with us.

I remember my parents. They always save me. How could I deserve people like them in my life?

Be Well, live well, live happy, I will, how could I not?

Zaid.

:: Zaid 12:10 AM [+] ::

:: Thursday, December 18, 2003 ::

" 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse..."

There's certainly going to be celebration tommorrow night, but it's not Christmas. It's the end of my exams, huzzah!

What does it mean? It means the true start of a the holidays, but more importantly, the start of a fresh slate. Next semester is open to me to try new ways of studying, new ways of organizing myself, new summary styles. I guess it must seem rather perverse to you, but I enjoy that sort of thing. I think I'll start next year with a simple objective. NOT to go through these weeks of monotony I've been plagued with these last few exam-studying weeks.

Is it possible that I could be so prepared come exam review time that I'm actually reViewing, instead of reLearning? I mean, it's not like I didn't do the readings, not like I didn't highlight the books, not like I didn't go over and sometimes create some summaries. So how is it that I'm here, a mere 16.5 hours before my exam, and digging through a 1500 page Administrative Law text? What if I'd actually learned and memorized the entirety of each part of the course every week in class. Is it possible that I would see people stressing and laugh? No, wait, that I would see people stressing and laugh BECAUSE I was prepared for anything a prof might throw at me? That I would have complete and utter confidence in the material with weeks to spare before exams?

It must be possible. Unless the powers that be have so well calculated the amount of work assigned and the amount of weeks in the semester that it's designed to have me up on 12 caffeine pills half an hour before the exam cramming. Unless there are such amazing curriculum designers that I am supposed to, ten minutes before the exam starts in a crowded hallway outside the exam room, shriek:

"Eureka! NOW I'm finished."

I don't think so.

'Sayeed.

:: Zaid 5:50 PM [+] ::

:: Thursday, September 25, 2003 ::

Summer has officially ended, and the last few months of it passed hurriedly. As often happens, it’s when the most important things happen that I have no time to write in my journal. So I’ll summarize.

More summer festivals, more fairs, more cultural shows, Ottowa, Montreal, Niagara falls, mother visiting, father visiting, visiting Edmonton, over a hundred people at great aunt’s 50th wedding anniversary, speeches, politics, and a completely restored 1948 Fleetmaster, good friend at the Kelowna fire, camping, barbeques, hiking, bonfires, horseback riding, herding cattle, feasting, shopping, West Edmonton Mall, crafts, White Avenue, my brother’s apartment on White Avenue, cousins, cousins, and more cousins, blueberries all around, Calgary, being the big bad landlords, hiking in my old forest, swimming after 10 years, cinnamon rolls at hotel brunch, western town in middle of forest, Wayne Gretsky’s honeymoon suite furs all around, guitar plays and old lady sings as family gathers around the bonfire, back in Toronto, parents trek to Niagara falls, Oklahoma, law school parties parties parties, dancing on boat cruise, fireworks all around as city shines in the night, all my classes turn out to be killers who knew, 2nd year won’t be so easy after all, 250 pages one class first day, visitors at my place, parents leave and I miss them. I miss them all. I miss it all. But I’m alright. And it is good.

:: Zaid 1:05 PM [+] ::

:: Friday, July 25, 2003 ::

Salaam,

It bothers me, the secrets we must keep. It is hard to be completely open, but that does not have to be a bad thing. Some words have harsh consequences, and the man who deceives, or the man who witholds information, should not be condemned for wanting to round the truth where it's sharp edges may cut someone. If the harm is great enough, for witholding the truth entire. This all goes towards justification, I suppose, why I cannot write everything that I would like in this journal. Things happen which can't be spoken of openly, or not yet, and so I have to write in this journal only things that are safe.

Many things have happened since I updated last. High on the list are another trip to the Guvernment, and hours and hours of dancing away. The lightshow playing on the roof, and my head tilted back to the beat of Coldplay's "Clocks." The lead singing, "trouble that can't be named, tigers waiting to be tamed..." only in my head, the DJ mixing it in and out, and fog slowly filling the room. The smiles of my friends. The smiles of complete strangers.

Movies here and there, chilling on the grass with friends, and festivals here and there, all around, just sitting around as we drove in a friend's new car, a Soko concert, with a man who was more ROUND than fat, bright red shirt, black jacket, and his gold medallion bouncing around on his belly as he danced to the Soka and a group of girls danced with him on stage. An old friend's pool party, meeting her boyfriend, now fiance, once again, and the time warp that came with this. Dragging friends shopping to wait while I spent hours and hours and slowly drove them crazy. Talking with my parents, waiting with poignant anticipation for my mother's arrival, still waiting, and walking drenched in the pouring rain, lightning flashing above, with eight bags of groceries barely held up dripping. I remember a walk by the harbourfront, a silent and dimly lit concrete walkway a friend showed me, that was good.

These are a few good things.

Peace,

Zaid Sayeed.

:: Zaid 1:23 PM [+] ::

:: Friday, December 05, 2003 ::

Hello,

It's not that I don't like posting, I love it. It's just that

"Perfectionism leads to imperfection."

I'm occasionally a perfectionist. With writing more so than other things. No, that doesn't mean I have God's grammar or Sartre's wit, it just mean's that I have a need to do things well, to fulfil certain ideas I have about what a post should be, what any writing to be. It takes a lot of time to do that, time which occasionally I don't have, and so it is that my weblog is infrequently updated, and so imperfect. I guess I'm not a perfectionist. I just dream of it.

Be Well.

'Sayeed.

:: Zaid 11:05 PM [+] ::

:: Friday, July 11, 2003 ::

Hello.

I've been talking with my father a lot lately. This is since my mother went to visit her parents. I remember we talked about money at one point, with my father explaining to me about how money is, within reason, there to be spent, and then that conversation taking us from place to place and ending, strangely, in a conversation about religion and its benefits/dangers. Today we talked a bit about his work, and eventually about the corporate world as a friend portrays it, all empty shams and mumbo-jumbo, where well paying jobs are (according to my friend), parcelled out in a room where the only members were white "Old Boys" from the club of the same name.

Certainly I cannot deny that the world is controlled by an elite, that the powerful exclude those less so, that greed dominates. When pressed, I'll have to admit that those chains of control have hurt many, and if even more is demanded I will acknowledge that one day I wish to control my own portion of those chains.

But something beautiful is here still.

Don't deny me that. Something equally powerful, something transcendent and evocative, and above all good. Something which makes me glad and proud to be a human being, and to live in the same world with it, with them.

This year I have seen so many things, Law school and other experiences have certainly done things to me, have showed me some of the Business of People. The give and take, the raw exchange, the cold force of competition and greed and great self-interest present in so many of our relations with people. But something beautiful remains.

To say there is no beauty, to say it is all just business denies our humanity. And as long as there are people who strive to SAY that, who can leave their frightened logic and defensive reasoning behind, who stop thinking about their own preservation for just a few instants, who are selfless and selfish enough to strive to create and acknowledge the beauty around them and present in the company of all the 'other stuff,' as long as there are people like that, there is a reason to be alive, to strive. That fact, in and of itself, is beautiful.

And as long as beauty remains, I am, I remain proud.

Go with peace,

Zaid.

:: Zaid 1:45 AM [+] ::

:: Monday, June 23, 2003 ::

Salaam,

Every Sunday I used to have a Shesha Night. That is, I would sit around with some shesha and open the door to anyone who wanted to attend. Well since the weather has warmed up, I've been having it sometimes outside somewhere at York on the grass. Yesterday night was nice.

They were filming this movie in the Student Centre, "The Princess and the Freshman," and so the white light from the spotlights shined up to where we were positioned by a tree on the York Commons. Around seven people showed up, candles everywhere, great shesha (if I do say so myself), and my laptop screen glowing and sending out some Arab and mellow Trance waves everywhere.

Good night.
'Sayeed.

:: Zaid 3:46 PM [+] ::

:: Tuesday, May 20, 2003 ::

Salaam,

A little post to tell you that the pic links on the right hand side of the screen will be down for a while. MSN is revising its policies.

Just so this post, after so long, is not completely uninteresting, here is something I've been thinking about lately. I watched the sunrise, and I watched the sunset, the other day. I enjoyed it, and I thought,

You can only enjoy the sunrise if you are not worrying whether it will rise tommorrow.

'Sayeed.

:: Zaid 3:04 PM [+] ::

:: Friday, April 25, 2003 ::

Salaam,

When things weigh you down, so you feel tired and dead, always look around, it might just be your head! :D That was fun. It's strange, getting so caught up in things that you can't see the forest through the trees. The forest is beautiful, and when you recognize that then no matter how different a paricular tree may seem, it will be beautiful too, as a part of the forest.

Ma Salaam.

:: Zaid 10:17 PM [+] ::

:: Sunday, April 13, 2003 ::

Salaam,

Life gets more and more interesting. Who would have thought? It's good and it's Life, finding different facets of the gem to admire and know. It's good, learning new things, thinking in new ways, testing myself on levels I have not before. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I meet challenges, and sometimes I fail, sometimes I cannot, but always, always I Win.

Ma Salaam,

'Sayeed.

:: Zaid 1:46 PM [+] ::

:: Saturday, March 22, 2003 ::

Salaam,

I was in a car today, and it was a dark and foggy night. I remember someone crouched over rush through the rain across the street, silhouetted against the bright lights of a car, all that could be seen of it through the fog and the darkness. It was beautiful. I have seen a lot of beautiful things lately, and they humble me.

Ma Salaam,

'Sayeed.

:: Zaid 2:21 AM [+] ::

:: Tuesday, March 11, 2003 ::

Salaam,

I talked to Omar the other day. It was good. We talked about my classes, and I think about my upcoming oral presentations. We talked about his work and when he might be going abroad. We talked about him getting a cordless headset so he could talk to me while he cooked or did the dishes without his neck hurting. I remember that Shaema was studying in the background, and she was doing some sort of presentation and Omar was going to help her with the technical aspect of that.

This reminded me of our conversation in Karachi. I remembered the last few hours that I was in Karachi, in my grandfather’s house. We had just returned from a party, if I remember correctly, and Omar was sitting across from me in the living room. I asked him if he had any questions for me before I left for Toronto, seeing as I would probably not see him face to face for quite some time. He surprised me and asked one of the two questions that I remember him asking that vacation.

He asked me, approximately, “After seeing all these marriages and married couples, and seeing them so often and together, have your opinions on marriage changed?”

I was surprised, first of all that my brother actually had a question to ask me, that he had a somewhat personal question to ask me, and that it seemed that he held a misconception about my opinions on marriage (the above form of the question made that obvious.)

So I asked him what he knew about my opinions on marriage, and then went into discussing them. I got through discussing my actual appreciation for the concept of marriage, I discussed my distinct views on arranged marriages and how they affected my own prospects, I discussed other personal characteristics that affected the likelihood I would be married, and after going through these three out of four or five important personal issues, I saw my brother’s eyes glaze over, as they often do when I talk of very personal issues and when I asked him if he was still interested in me continuing he said “I’m listening” and so I knew when to quit when the going was good. ;)

I was never really able to get to the answer to his question though. Hearing Shaema in the background and about how they were collaborating on her project reminded me of that answer, though.

I didn’t get to tell Omar that I remembered when he came to Bahrain with Shaema, and I remembered how comfortable and comforted they seemed with each other. I remembered Sana and Amir, and how similar and playful they seemed. I remembered Asya and Talal, and how they cared for each other when care was needed and looked out for one another. I remembered what I said at Omar’s wedding, in my speech, that Omar and Shaema were like guarantees to each other, and that when Shaema needed help, and her family couldn’t be there for or completely understand her, Omar would be, and would try, and when Omar needed help, and I couldn’t be there for him, or completely understand, Shaema would be, and would try.

I didn’t get to tell Omar that, like I said at his wedding and still feel, *I* was comforted by that, and an insurance of my family’s happiness was also an insurance of mine. But I had said all that before, and that night in Karachi with my plane leaving in a few hours there was more that I didn’t get to tell him this time, what I didn’t say at his wedding, and *had* realized after seeing all those married couples together was that he was right, my opinions, or at least my feelings about marriage had changed. I realized after seeing so much of all those married couples, my families, how beautiful it was, how good it could be, and I recognized more, there in Bahrain and in Karachi, that a part of me really wanted it too.

Go With Peace,

‘Sayeed.

:: Zaid 11:14 AM [+] ::

:: Friday, March 07, 2003 ::

Salaam,

Bright sun, decent weather. I'm wondering if I should continue to trust www.theweathernetwork.com. True, perhaps the lows are as bad as they say, but when am I ever out at those times?

This week will be an interest week. Legal factum, resumes, cover letter, negotiation competition, mini-moot, class moot, and I'm sure a bunch of other stuff is due in these next two weeks. Of course I cannot avoid the readings, the journal, and the exam studying out of my schedule either. Strangely though, my efficiencies haven't increased accordingly. Well, "hojainga," as is said.

Other than efficiency in studying, my life seems pretty damn good. Working out regularly, eating marginally well, time for chilling, all is good. Also, the more I think about it, the more I am certain that my methods for studying will prove effective, if not this year than in later years (if possible then). It's a shame I could not give the "September-me" a lecture about what I've learned.

Ma Salaam,

'Sayeed.

:: Zaid 12:55 PM [+] ::

:: Wednesday, March 05, 2003 ::

Salaam,

I talked to a friend, a while ago, about reality, and I've spent part of the last few days watching "Vanilla Sky." I've thought more about the movie, and specifically about the ending, and adjusted my preferred interpretation of the movie.

I do not wish to ruin it for anyone, but I will say that at the end of "Vanilla Sky," Tom Cruise's character peacefully, slightly ironically, regretfully describes with two adjectives the reason why love between his character and Penelope's character is ridiculous, somewhat imaginary, and impossible. Then he says, "and I love you."

Again I watched this, and again I saw the beauty in this. This time, though, it was beautiful for another reason. It was beautiful because it made clear to me how powerful is the human need, the human ability to love, despite the obstacles which may be in a way. Even in this circumstance, even when it is impossible and unreal, Cruise's character loved, and it was beautiful, and it was real.

Ma Salaam,

'Sayeed

:: Zaid 11:04 AM [+] ::

:: Tuesday, March 04, 2003 ::

Salaam,

An update on the state of my existence. I'm a bit behind, for a variety of reasons, an academic position which I would be comfortable with. I've come to a few conclusions about how I should go about rectifying the situation and how I should continue my further studies. I am happy with these solutions, and eager to continue them. This week I have a factum due, but lucky for me it involves no research except for formatting and citation. Reading week just ended, and I got a little bit of work done, but not near as much as I had hoped. I signed myself up for a negotiation competition recently, and am looking forward also to studying for that. My food situation is adequate, though junkfood has infiltrated its way into my diet a bit too much. My workout schedule is holding, I workout very briefly perhaps 3 or four times a week, and continue to vigorously workout my stabilizer muscles. Otherwise my health is good. I haven't had much time to see many friends outside of parties I attended in reading week, and though I talk to friends on the phone and occasionaly meet them in the middle of doing chores, I have not had a chance to visit Falafel Hut much recently. Hmmmm, perhaps I should be updating this when I have a bit more energy, eh?

Ma Salaam,

'Sayeed.

:: Zaid 10:15 AM [+] ::

:: Wednesday, February 19, 2003 ::

As usual, Omar Khayyam said it quite well:

Ah, my Beloved, fill the Cup that clears
TO-DAY of past Regrets and future Fears---
To-morrow?---Why, To-morrow I may be
Myself with Yesterday's Sev'n Thousand Years.

:: Zaid 11:07 AM [+] ::

Salaam,

I woke up the other day in the middle of the night, wrote down my dreams as I have been these last few days, and tried to continue my sleep. I could not do so immediately, and in the hour or so before I slept, I began worrying, a bit, about my studies. Through the dedication of a week to the memorandum assignment and another week I have allowed to slip by, I seem to be far behind in the assigned readings (though likely on par with much of the class). I lay worrying about it for a while until I grounded myself, as I usually do, by thinking of those of value in my life. It was a bit more difficult last night than usual, I do not know why.

Nevertheless, eventually I repeated to myself something my father told me in the past, and that in addition to a recollection of the foundation of my happiness brought me back to a place where I could sleep.

"Why worry when you could work?"

I feel that this is true, and useful. An ability to absorb worries and retain happiness is useful, a life focused on a unshakeable foundations and a perspective which is incompatible with worries is also good, but life lived without compromise is good as well, and does not leave room for worries, also.

Why worry about the past when you could work for the future? What my father said is an encouragement not to regret, but also to focus on what you can change, the future. The past, I think, might appeared stained and wasteful to some, but the future is always clean and new.

Ma Salaam,

Zaid.

:: Zaid 10:40 AM [+] ::

:: Saturday, February 08, 2003 ::

Salaam,

I have to thank Mujib. The other Sunday he came over for my weekly shesha session, and while he was here he downloaded some music for my laptop. "Yarada" is the name of the song. It is spoken in Punjabi, and so I understand very few words, but what I do understand is the passion behind his voice. It was a good favor he did, to download it for me.

I am behind in my readings for my courses, because I have spent this week working on a legal memorandum for a course. I've discovered, though, that readings in law school are not as important as a framework grounded from the readings, so I worry less. I wait for Reading Week, when I hope to complete studying for my final exams in April, and then the readings which I have missed. I have, gradually, started working out again, and I feel a lot healthier for it.

I have not spoken to my parents for a while, which is never good, but they are both busy, and I am sure will contact me soon enough. I spoke to Omar a week or so ago, and was told he will be leaving sooner than expected for some work in Qatar; this should please my parents. My sleeping schedule is a bit off-track, but I don't expect this to last, I a lot more confident about getting to sleep when I want to before, and even though a couple days ago I did not manage to sleep the entire night, I don't expect this will last.

I saw the most beautiful thing the other day. Because of the freezing rain we've had, a lot of ice collected around North York. I saw a tree, covered entirely over with a thick layer of ice. Every branch, every bud, every twig, coated, no encased in a thick layer of ice. I broke off an icicle and looked through it at the twig inside. A crystal tree. When I returned home, I saw a soap bubble hovering in the air. I had just washed my hands and I suppose it had floated from there to where the air was still, and it stayed there, rainbow-glistening, for quite some time.

Ma Salaam,

'Sayeed.

:: Zaid 4:53 PM [+] ::

:: Monday, February 03, 2003 ::

Salaam,

Life has been interesting. True, there has been a lot of work, but I still have time, and there are still ways to improve my use of it. There was a protest of Daniel Pipes the other day, and I heard people shout and scream and I saw people who knew what was going on and people who didn't. I had a strange dream a couple of days ago. I was in my Nana's house in Karachi, and I was clothed in this Thobe, that turned into a Shalvar Kurtha and back into a Thobe, and my grandparents and mother were showing me how it worked in the mirror. Someone noticed a spot of blood soaking through it on my back. I remember opening the door to the living room and seeing a crowd, a crowd of everybody I loved. I closed the door again and was a bit worried about the spot of blood on my back because I did not want them to see it.

Ma Salaam,

'Sayeed.

:: Zaid 4:36 PM [+] ::

:: Friday, January 24, 2003 ::

Salaam,

There's this amazing song which I've been listening to for a while called "Youm Wara Youm," that's "Day after Day" in Arabic. A friend introduced me to it in Bahrain recently.

As near as I can tell, it starts out with the female singer, Samira, singing about how she is coming back and that she has had enough of being away and that her heart was always with her love. It is just beautiful how her beloved responds, he tells her, in a tone which is certainty, My dear, you were never far, I could always see your eyes in my heart.

The chorus, sung by both in turn, is touching. Day after day, My dear, I dreamed of you, of you, of your eyes, and my heart kept waiting. Day after day my dear I couldn't sleep, I am coming back my dear I am coming back.

Ma Salaam,

'Sayeed.

:: Zaid 10:11 AM [+] ::

:: Monday, January 20, 2003 ::

Hello,

Feelin' good. Pipe burst last night, sleep was a problem, waiting for the plumber, mopping the floor and such. Have some good food in my stomach, and very interesting reading due tommorrow. The fan is blowing in the background, along with my music murmuring. The carpet is drying up, but I'll go buy some carpet cleaner and spray it on and scrub it through anyways, who knows, maybe it needs a good cleaning. A fresh cheese sandwich for lunch, fresh lettuce, tomato, pickles on top. Thinking of my family, as usual.

Ma Salaam,

Zaid.

:: Zaid 8:34 PM [+] ::

:: Sunday, January 19, 2003 ::

Salaam,

We're eye to eye now, and hopefully in the course of this week, I will be on top. Otherwise, life is good. There's little more, I think, that I should really do to increase the pace of changes, and that's a good feeling. I guess I could update my web page a bit more ;).

Ma Salaam,

Zaid.

:: Zaid 10:35 AM [+] ::

:: Wednesday, January 15, 2003 ::

Salaam,

A great mass of things to be done. Today, I've finally made some headway, I completed some readings, and was able to cross them off my list. The whole bulk still stares down on me, and I'm looking forward to when I don't have to crane my head anymore to meet it eye for eye.

Ma Salaam,

Sayeed.

:: Zaid 9:22 PM [+] ::

:: Thursday, January 09, 2003 ::

Salaam,

I sat next to these two twin girls on the plane. We chatted a bit, and I was surprised how they were Indian when they looked so very Persian. I remember how easily and quickly smiles came to their faces; what a blessing people such as this are. I wish every person on every streetcorner smiled so easily, so from the heart, so unselfconsciously.

Why do they not? I am sure it is natural, I am sure it would be the result of a happy and productive and fulfilled childhood, full of all things which are good and true. Someday, I hope in my lifetime, many parents will choose to raise their children as this, will be given the means to do so, and so smiles of ease and kindness will not be isolated and few.

:: Zaid 9:39 AM [+] ::

Salaam,

The holidays are over, and it is slowing creeping in, as it tends to, that small emptiness that is the lack of something good. It is not debilitating, and I don't expect it to be, but I also know that it will not ever completely leave. In the oft said words of a friend of mine, Narain,

"Such is life."

So where does that leave me? It leaves me working, and waiting, and remembering that I never deserved such bliss to begin with.

:: Zaid 9:17 AM [+] ::

:: Wednesday, January 08, 2003 ::

Well, I'm back.

:: Zaid 4:40 PM [+] ::

:: Sunday, December 29, 2002 ::

(In Bahrain)
Salaam,

A particularly enjoyable visit to the beach yesterday.

I remember that the water was clear, very clear, and I could see the hard-packed dunes of sand rippling under the water. The sun was bright and hot, and shining through the crests of the waves it painted rippling tiger-stripes of light on the sandy floor. The water was so clear. I remember walking out along a thin wooden bridge that stretched into the Gulf, and seeing the rocks under us, covered with barnacles, spattered with light, and so quiet under that blue-green clearness. We peeled and ate oranges and mandarins on the platform in the middle of the water, and looked back across the water to the beach, and beyond it to the jebel, to the small sand mountains rising in the distance a few miles behind it. (Everything on Bahrain is only a few miles from everything else.) We spat the slimy seeds into the water. My father found a school of fish. We looked back out to the ocean.

The small walkway back to the stone platform, closer to shore, was wooden planks, with a thin railing along each side which did not block the view of the water.

I remember sprawling on my back on a mat in the sun, squinting. I remember the feel of the sand squeezing between my toes as I ran into the water. I remember the small, hard, dunes under the water would bear up under my weight for a bit then crumble. When I stood still, the sand was undisturbed, and sometimes I would move only my big toes, digging hard and fast into the sand, and between my toes disturbed and whirling sand would rise like smoke into the clear water, like something was burning under my toes under all that water.

The waves and the sound of the sea, lapping against the shore, would gently nudge me for a while, and I walked to where the sand was dark, and felt seaweed under my feet. My brother shouted,

"You better catch it, I don't want my ball wet!"

And of course I didn't catch it, and it splashed into water and caught in the seaweed and I dug it out. I walked to where the water was clear and threw the ball, badly, back to my brother again.

Eventually I moved out of the water, and the hot sand wrapped around and caked on my wet feet. I used a hose to wash off the sand, and walked onto the grass surrounding the beach, and remembered running through the grass barefoot as a child, running away from a stream of sprinkler water, wanting to be caught.

Ma Salaam,

Zaid.

:: Zaid 1:27 AM [+] ::

:: Tuesday, December 17, 2002 ::

Salaam,

I'm healing. My body is recovering, it's fighting off whatever is hurting it and rebuilding itself from the food I am eating. The body is a beautiful thing.

Hey, I remember something. I remember I was showering the other day, and I had turned the light off and kept the door open so the natural sunlight could light the room. I ran my hands along my arms, and all of a sudden, I felt like I was running my hand along someone else's arms, but also mine. All of a sudden, I wasn't alone in the room. It was a very unusual experience, but very calming. Like I was comforting someone else, who was myself, and so I was being comforted as well.

Ma Salaam.

:: Zaid 2:51 AM [+] ::

:: Wednesday, December 11, 2002 ::

Salaam,

Pride. Overconfidence. Hubris. A quality which has been featured and labored over in the best of classics. A quality which makes the great tragic and makes the lesser pathetic. After taking my first law school exam, it has become apparent to me that I am going to need to eliminate that quality in myself if I want to achieve my goals. Through a process of constant overestimation of myself with respect to my goals and underestimation of the requirements of my goals this semester, I've managed to dig myself into a little pit.

I talked with my brother about this today, though, and I think I've settled upon what looks at first glance to be a good answer. It feels good to have an answer. As with most things, I should be cautious not to institutionalize the threat, for that would rob it of its meaning, its relevance, its power. Nevertheless, I think it's a good answer, and now I can work at implementing it.

I've been a bit disappointed in myself. It is strange, because I don't usually feel negative emotions, and at first I thought I was worrying about my exams, or scared of them, and it took me a while to come to the provisional conclusion that it's disappointment with myself that was bothering me.

I remember being disappointed with myself before though. I remember being down 4-1 in gitoni, with Fadi or Qais or whoever was my partner talking trash and me wondering why I'd let in four goals already. One more and we were screwed. Suddenly the danger of another goal seemed a challenge, and if I could beat that challenge, I knew how damn good about myself I'd feel.

And I did.

Ma Salaam.

:: Zaid 1:17 AM [+] ::

:: Tuesday, December 10, 2002 ::

Salaam,

I did not think that merely entering the Pakistani counselate would take me so quickly back to Pakistan. It did though. There were many people, only one person at the counter, I picked #77 and they were serving #26, and I could smell body odour when I entered the room. I hear it's not so crowded except that Eid had just ended. Luckily, I found someone who knew people I knew at York, gave her #78 which I'd picked up before they stopped giving out numbers, and so we chatted until our turns came up. Could have been a lot worse.

I have my first Torts exam tommorrow. I thought I might have been nervous about some things relating to it earlier, but if I was, I'm not now. I've sort of accepted the likelihood that I'll make a B in all my courses instead of the A+'s I was aiming for. Believe it or not, but I think I underestimated law school, as hard as that may be for an intelligent person to do. So I made some bad choices, but at least they were my choices, instead of my inability to live up to my choices as the situation has been in previous years. Now I know what I need to choose, or I will after I do a bit of thinking on it, so it looks good for next term.

Either way, I'll enjoy my exams tommorrow, I think it will be a fun test of my abilities. I sat around in Falafel Hut for a bit today asking people who they wanted to sue and why, and thinking about it from the perspective of Tort law, and suprise, by just chatting with people (ok, a bit more than just chatting) I was actually doing some valuable studying!

Of course, Dany at Falafel Hut is ALWAYS asking me if he can sue so and so, but today, lucky me, he was completely silent on the matter. Just my luck, eh ;).

Joking, my luck is great, too good, has been for a while. I have so much to go around I should rent some storage space to keep it in, or sell it, or keep it in jars and serve it to friends when they come over.

Aren't I being silly? But I'm in a good mood, so shoot me...

Please, Be Well.

Ma Salaam.

:: Zaid 2:46 AM [+] ::

:: Friday, November 29, 2002 ::

Salaam,

My father calls the muscle pain which occurs after muscle use "pleasurable pain." I think that's an accurate reflection of that type of pain, the "pain" of ripped muscles mending, warning of their state, and demanding more nutrients from the body. I think, however, that two things are necessary to experience "pleasurable pain" in addition to muscle use, sleep and food. I think if you don't get either, then the muscles cannot properly rebuild, and from the pain I'm feeling today, I would guess that the nature of the pain changes as well.

Well, it's going to be a long day either way. I am finally moving. I am finally moving on campus. Unfortunately, all the movers were booked, and so it's probably going to be a taxi & me job. ;) Well, it will be challenging, especially with my arms feeling the way they are. So I'll do what I do when I face all challenges, I'll smile, I'll try to enjoy it, and I'll put it in perspective, and think about people whom I know would face them better than I. Eventually, it will be done. And I'll sleep.

Ma Salaam.

:: Zaid 12:59 PM [+] ::

:: Saturday, November 23, 2002 ::

Salaam,

A smile is just a beautiful thing. Sometimes when I'm sitting and watching all the glum people wallowing in their own misery all around me (understably, hey, it's exam time!), I imagine smiles on their faces. It is really beautiful. I wonder why they don't smile all the time. It's so damn easy, and it's always good. I remember seeing this average looking girl the other day, and I remembered that she looked a lot prettier the last time I saw her, and I wondered why. So I watched her for a while and wondered if she was the same girl I knew, and then she smiled, and then so did I.

This week will be tough. Apart from assignments and being behind in readings (as I expect I will be), there is packing and moving to do, wow, that will be harsh. I wonder how I should go about looking for people to move my stuff. I bet I could find a gazillion friends who would do it for me, but something in me just hates asking for help, and wants to be independent, and so I'm probably going to do a lot of extra packing and hire some movers.

I don't remember my dreams last night, but I remember that they were good. The only time this week and more than a week when I have got so little sleep, but thanks to a friend of mine's advice, I'm going to head down to Osgoode, and when I feel too tired I'll use some earplugs, some airplane eye-covers, and then sleep. Well, for a while. This assigment waits, and I'm looking forward to doing it, so...

Ma Salaam.

:: Zaid 1:41 PM [+] ::

:: Tuesday, November 19, 2002 ::

Salaam,

The day was a bit difficult today, because in the morning I think I slipped some ice a bit and jerked my back. Despite its difficulty, however, it was still a lot of fun. In Torts there was some fundamental questions about Torts law as a whole which I felt privileged to hear, and Criminal was certainly challenging, though I also had fun making fun of my prof's sometimes unintelligible style of teaching with a classmate. I also had a supplementary Contracts class today, which covered some rather dull-seeming subjects, but as usual our prof made them seem as interesting as possible. The hardest part about Contract Law today?

Prounouncing this case name... Brinkibon Ltd. V. Stahg Stahl Und

Stahlwarenhandelsgesellschaft mbH.

I am intensely curious as to what "mbH" means.

:: Zaid 7:09 PM [+] ::

:: Monday, November 18, 2002 ::

Salaam,

I had downloaded the music video to Enigma's "Return to Innocence," and briefly glanced at it while it was playing. Barely looking at it, I thought "I could make this so much better" and came up with a great idea of working backwards from death to birth.

I just watched the video as it is, from beginning to end (or the opposite, as the case turned out to be) and noticed that it begins with a man picking a pear and lying on the grass under the tree. The viewer notices that he is surrounded by pears. Then the song starts playing proper and we notice that the video is playing backwards. If we think of the whole video, playing backwards, then I think we are meant to recognize that when he lay there, he lay there and the fruit fell for a long time, because he was dead. So it turns out that the music video actually was his life, working backwards from death to birth.

Some things repeat throughout his life. Reaping the wheat from the fields, herding the sheep, planting the seeds, standing by the ocean.

Some things don't. His wife sad, thinking on his death, crossing the threshold for the first time with her, learning to ride a bike. Her childhood is, partly, also retraced. Almost the very end of the movie he is shown sitting under the same tree, a small child, surrounded by pears, taking a bite from one.

Ma Salaam.

:: Zaid 12:40 PM [+] ::

:: Friday, November 15, 2002 ::

Salaam,

You know what it's like to postpone laundry until you have two socks left, or one white sock and one black sock, or only one clean pair of briefs? Well that's how I felt this morning, and I had almost resigned myself to being the forefront of the new multi-colored sock trend about to sweep the nation ;), when, lo and behold, I opened a mysterious bag in my closet and found fully 100% more socks! I remembered that I had hidden away half my socks, because I thought I had too many and would never really need them except maybe on a rainy day. Well I hear there's slush here and there somehwhere around the streets of Toronto, and that's a rainy enough day for me ;).

My parents called last night. My grandparents were with them. We had good conversation, I felt like I was in Bahrain with them all myself. :D. Life is too good to me.

:: Zaid 10:46 AM [+] ::

:: Thursday, November 14, 2002 ::

Hello again,

I was worried, and today I obtained renewed confirmation that I will be moving away from here in December, to a place on campus. I've always wanted to live on campus, in my own apartment, but once again the grass starts to look greener. So I opened my blinds and listened to the music and some woman with a deep, mellow, voice crooned at me while the city glowed at me in the dark.

Eighteen and a half feet of glorious floor-to-ceiling windows, and I'm leaving them. But I'll be back. Not here, but somewhere, eventually, I'll be in a place like this, with massive windows and a whole lot of beauty staring me in the face every night when I have the time to look.

I had an interesting conversation with a friend today, reminded me of something which I haven't been reminded of since I lost touch with another friend, that people are damn interesting, that thinking about them is fulfilling, and from those things I was directed to the fact that I am a writer, and that I need to write.

What is it with these last few days? I remembered the day before yesterday how important beauty was. My life is boiling down in ways to rules and laws and the perfect symmetry of logic. And don't get me wrong, logic is beautiful to me, too, in it's own way, and gets me excited when I can see it in its entirety, but there are other kinds of beauty I need to stop and look at, and appreciate, and just smile because I can see it.

Like the way it is with my family. I'm happy just because I am able to realize how beautiful they are, I need to remind myself that other things can make me feel good in that way too. The more beauty I can appreciate, the more I can share with others, and that is a joyful thing.

Beauty, Knowledge, Happiness, Life, and Love, these are a few things that I know, inherently, in and of themselves, have value to me. But if I just had one, I would be deprived, and if I had all five separately, I would be lacking, I'm beginning to think that it is important to mix them, that this factor, too, may be inherently valuable to me, their Unity. The best Knowledge is that of beauty, happiness, life, and love, and the greatest Life is one of love, happiness, knowledge and beauty. Beauty in the knowledge, happiness, life, and love can be the most striking. Right now I am thinking about sharing knowledge, happiness, and life with those I love. I am thinking that if I don't know Beauty, I cannot share it with those I Love.

Ma Salaam. ([Go] With Peace)

:: Zaid 1:38 AM [+] ::

:: Monday, October 21, 2002 ::

Salaam,

A couple days ago, in my Torts small group, we talked about "duties to the unborn." Basically, that is what it is called when courts discuss how people who injure a pregnant mother owe a duty and therefore are liable to a damaged child who is later born. One of these Torts is something like "wrongful life," which is when a child's parents choose not to abort a child because of lack of information about the child's disability. The child might then sue the doctor for damages. It was interesting because if the Supreme Court would have to measure the value of non-existence again the value of a damaged life and give damages based on that. A metaphysical argument of the Supreme Court was (of course), that this cannot be done.

One day in Crim professor Lawrence referred to a defendant as "the most sympathetic murder defendant you're ever going to see." A murder defendant, sympathetic. What is this, the Practice?

I just had a Torts midterm, it went alright, I remember how our Prof advised us to deal with the exam. He said, "In an exam, you DON'T behave like a judge, [you don't deal with the first issue, assume you're 100% correct, therefore forget the other issues] and say 'I have concluded that there was no Duty of Care'" the prof looked quickly at his watch, "nine to five, let's all go home..." :) Don't worry, I DIDN'T act like this, if anything I took the opposite route,

"One cannot with certainty make a decision either way, even though his hand was bloody and he was screaming 'I'm glad I killed you Martha!'"

:: Zaid 3:19 PM [+] ::

:: Monday, October 14, 2002 ::

Hello,

Friday highlights. A bit late for class, I waited for the bus, terribly ashamed that I was spending $2.25 just to get there a couple minutes earlier than I otherwise would. After a few seconds of worrying about how late I would be, however, I came upon how utterly pointless that was, and spent my time noticing how green the trees were, this late into October.

In contracts, Professor McCamus spent a bit of time explaining to us how, legally, an certain old widow did not own the property rights to her recently deceased husband's estate. After a lot of prodding, poking, and all in all provoking, he got it through to us how she wasn't legally entitled to the estate. I love his teaching style. Anyways, a couple seconds later he's asking us to see the opposing view, and saying...

"How cold are you? After only a few weeks of law school, to kick her out onto the street..."

We all broke out laughing.

Criminal was fun too. At one point Professor Lawrence was referring to an Act which had something to do with competition, an Act entitled the Combine Act, and she related how, when she was a young(er) student of law, she had thought that that particular Act was something that dealt with those massive, many-blades weilding "combine harvestors." She would say something like "Combines, yeah, sure you should investigate them, they're so dangerous..." Again, section 'A' broke out laughing again. Later on, she printed something out and handed it out to the class, quickly noticing how the other side was printed in text so small as to be almost illegible, she said, "on the front, there's a tree of the law with respect to 'true crime' and regulatory offenses (or some such thing), and on the back... There's an eye test..." :D

Funny stuff. I went home and slept early this day, as opposed to the other days this weekend.

:: Zaid 1:46 PM [+] ::

:: Friday, October 04, 2002 ::

Salaam,

I just got back from a meet'n'greet of the South Asian Law Students Association, the Arab Law Students Association, and the Muslim Law Students Association. It was fun. An alright place with laid back people, decent food, and fun conversation. As always, I enjoyed looking and thinking about the people I met there, from funny guy who actually loved being "forced" to spill his dirty secrets, (whatever he said) to the friendly and loquatious girl who made sure she pulled everyone in when she talked, to the Brit-raver desi, who listened, thought, and communicated in an honest and very measured fashion, to the seemly, sensible, diplomatic girl with the fun edge. Of course, there were more, but suffice it to say that I had fun.

:: Zaid 11:46 PM [+] ::

Salaam,

It is amazing to me how much we appreciate something when we are forced to consider giving it up. I just learned that I can move to another place, a place pretty close to what I have wanted for months. This is a great thing, and in many ways will make it a lot easier for me to work and live. It is likely now, that I am going to give up this place, and lo and behold, it has never appeared so alluring a place to live. The peace, the quiet, and most importantly the 18 and a half foot floor to ceiling windowed view of major city centers, from a comfortable and quiet distance.

I cannot write more, because I have to run and give up this place. It is the right decision, but God I will miss those windows...

:: Zaid 1:27 PM [+] ::

:: Saturday, September 21, 2002 ::

Salaam,

Music, what a thing, emotions in a bottle. Right now it is making me feel like updating my Journal.

Yesterday was a great day. I was in a pretty positive mood when my Mooting partner picked me up and we headed to Osgoode to do some quick last-minute preparations for our Moot. We had come having been told that the first year Moot is mainly presentation, style, poise, and to a large part coherence when answering the Judge's questions. Boy were they wrong; our judge had other ideas. ;). The lawyer from Lerner's and Associates who was one of our judges was quite a catch, judge-wise. Of course I can't comment on how our moot compared to upper-years, but it was certainly very intense question wise, and I think that presentation was a lot less important to our judge than being able to defend the delicate intricacies of our argument. And defend we did. I think most of our respective speeches went out the window (a pity, because they had some really cool points) and straight out of the gate we were defending our points, before we'd even presented them in their entirety. The questions were really great, imaginative, yet to-the-point. My only complaint, I guess, question-wise, was that sometimes it was counterproductive when he asked a question I was setting up a point for a big "BUT" so at the point he chose to interject a question my points sometimes sounded like they were the opposite of what they were.

That aside, however, I really LOVED the experience. To defend the finer strokes of a logical mind was challenging, exhilerating, and quite different from the broad, brute-force, logical-imagination needed for debate. And of course the presentation style was COMPLETELY different.

All in all I'm really glad I chose to particpate, it taught me a lot, and I'm glad that every first year student has to do a moot as part of a course, I think that will probably be beneficial for all.

After the Moot, well free, healthy, food of course. Then some studying and a nice time relaxing after a busy week with some friends.

:: Zaid 7:17 PM [+] ::

:: Wednesday, September 18, 2002 ::

Salaam,

I walked by York Commons (the massive field of grass in the symbolic "front" of the university) and to my surprise I saw some scattered groups of friends on the grass sitting on mats and smoking shesha. In the background was a stage with some pretty decent music. The sun was stuck behind some clouds, but it was bright, it was late afternoon, but it was warm. I think it must have been amazing in the day, and for a bit I wished I could be out there in the sun smoking with my friends. Then I went to Falafel, got my 'tuna in a pita,' and headed back to the depths of the Osgoode basement to study some caselaw.

I've done some studying with a friend, and though we're woefully unprepared for the Moot on Friday, at least we're ready. It should be fun. I'm going to go find a quiet place to write out a rough draft of my speech right now, then condense it to about 6 words of notes, and learn to wing it. Tommorrow my partner, Michael Lieberman, and I will "duke it out" and hopefully be ready for the judges when they assail us with questions.

I need another night of sleep, I think, after I get that, I'll feel a bit more enthusiastic. Then again, a couple hours in a huge, echoing, auditorium, screaming cases at empty chairs might help too... Let me go try that. ;)

:: Zaid 7:36 PM [+] ::

:: Monday, September 16, 2002 ::

Salaam,

I think the Sample Moot Court was on Tuesday last week, on Wednesday there was something else. Wednesday morning I thought I was running a bit late, so I took the bus part of the way to Osgoode. I thought it would shorten the time of my journey, but it's such a short trip that it feels ridiculous, and I ended up waiting so long for the bus that I could have walked.

The bus dropped me off next to this small wooded area next to Osgoode, and as soon as I got off I was overwhelmed by the strong smell of crab apples. I looked into the wooded area and noticed that a tree packed into the wooded area had stretched its branches out of the dense brush and partway down a mini-hill into the sun. Those branches were laden with crab-apples. If I'd had more time I would have taken one. On the way to Osgoode I noticed the other crab-apple tree in the area of which I know, the one in the field in front of Osgoode. I noticed how crab-apples tree branches create no further offshoots at all, except for small ones for the leaves. At that early time it looked like all its branches were reaching for the morning sun.

I was a minute or two late for my morning class, because it turned out the rooms for the seminar had been switched and I had missed the announcement in the lecture. Of course, it also turned out that I had mistook the section I was in, so I was actually an hour early. Another classmate of mine was also in the wrong class, but we decided to stick around anyways. Then we went to the real seminar we were in, where about 5 people were in the wrong seminar, and the teacher seemed a bit confused. Perhaps distracted and worried are more appropriate adjectives... No, confused is fine, because she said she was confused multiple times during the seminar. She was short on time after all the students had figured out which seminar they should be in, which is probably why she chose the lecture-format for the rest of the class. At least I hope that's why, I wouldn't want to go through a lecture repeat every seminar again.

The Dean and an Assistant Dean delivered a lecture on the Canadian government some time between classes later on in the day. They managed to put enough jokes in it to keep it funny. The Assistant dean was once a student of the Dean (Dean Hogg), and in describing the textbook which the Dean wrote and made mandatory for students, he mentioned that it's price was

"Somewhere in excess of any reasonable amount..."

Which was pretty funny, we all broke out laughing. Later the Dean tried to justify its price by talking about how it was around 1500 pages. Ouch.

The Assistant Dean once worked for Ian Scott, a cabinet minister of some sort a decade or two ago I think, and he related an interesting story about Ian. He said that when he was given his position, he was under the impression that all things in Cabinet were decided upon by vote, and so after his first cabinet session, in which he put a lot of work into convincing everyone of his ideas, he asked "Ok then, when do we vote on it?" or some such thing. The Premier kindly explained to him that issues in cabinet weren't decided by a vote, they were solved by the Premier deciding upon what was the consensus. Fine enough, Ian thought, but at the end of the meeting, Ian confident in his success at convincing the majority, was shocked when the Premier decided things completely against him. A rude awakening indeed, I would think.

A few more jokes were slipped in here and there which kept us all interested. The Dean, who is from New Zealand, slipped in a comment about how "New Zealand is the most powerful country in the world," with a wink, and with another disagreed with something the Assistant Dean said and added that this was information which when he was a professor he "held from him so he would embarass himself." :)

It was a fun day.

:: Zaid 12:43 PM [+] ::

Salaam to All,

We (the 1st year) were invited to a sample Moot (Mock Trial) last week, I think it was Wednesday. Perhaps the fact that it was just a sample affected its quality, but from my perspective it wasn't very good. The speakers seemed to whine, the points were standard, and the worst part of it was that the microphones were bad. The quality of the points might be excused because the "Lerner's Cup" on Friday is on exactly the same case, and they may not have wanted to give us ideas, but I'm sure they could have been presented more animatedly at least. Now I'm not saying that they have to dance a jig in front of the judge, but at least sound a bit more serious than peevish children. Perhaps style isn't valued as much in Moot's as in debate, but it should at least be realized that style contributes to people's perception of substance.

Well, after the Moot was free food, including pastries, so who's complaining? ;) I took some to my Criminal Law class. I remember one point in class when the Prof pressed a button and the projector screen raised up so the chalkboard could be used. It made such a great noise as it lifted to reveal the chalkboard that it sounded like some special effect out of a sci-fi movie. Professor Lawrence, capturing the moment, declared...

"Now you go through this secret passage..."

:: Zaid 12:30 PM [+] ::

:: Wednesday, September 11, 2002 ::

As Salaam Alaikum,

There was a gathering in the lobby of Osgoode Hall today. Then dean Hogg spoke for a bit and pronounced a one minute silence for the victims of September 11th. From an institutional standpoint, I think that may be a smart thing to do, as the United States is Canada's close neighbor, and there may have been students who had lost someone in the attack.

Personally, however, I identify with more than just North America, and that of course is true of most of the world. Identifying with the world, and seeing the equivalent and more than the equivalent of the September 11th attack happen both over as short a time as the bombing and over longer periods of time (which do not detract from their tragedy) in places all around the world, one becomes desensitized to this sort of thing. I remember calling a friend on September 11th and asking his opinion, and he asked me why it would be so out of the ordinary, where he was from this sort of thing happened every day. The average citizen of the United States ignores these happenings, or shrugs them aside, and this is not unexpected, after all, they did not happen in North America. How could average Americans identify?

Now a terrible thing has happened to them, and it so starkly contrasts with anything that has happened in their recent past that they are more horrified and shocked than much of the rest of the world, who have become accustomed to such tragedies.

It was a terrible event, thousands of people dying and hundreds of millions of dollars of damage. A day such as this, however, a day which caused such sadness, shock, and horror among North Americans, I might have hoped would fill people with the heartfelt desire that it not happen again. A desire, I might have further hoped, which would provide their leaders with the courage needed to prevent future occurrences. Unfortunately, like all of the days of the last year, any hopes I might have had are in vain, they did not learn courage.

I've been in fistfights before. Fights where I've tried hard to hurt my opponent. I remember one of these fights, long ago, when my older brother had used his knowledge of me to provoke me. I took taunt after taunt, and eventually I could not control myself and attacked him violently. Lucky for both of us, my brother was quite a bit larger than me, and never took much damage from my attacks. It did not take courage, however, to attack him. Just anger.

I remember once when I played a game with my classmates. A game of intelligence which took many days to complete. There were many in the class, and they all had things to use and ways to play the game of which I had no knowledge. I was smarter than them, however (not to brag), and I knew it, and so when I pit my wits against them to win the game, it took no courage at all.

I remember one of my fights in elementary school. A boy, shorter than myself but in a higher grade, who, if I remember right, had been insulting me. Again I took the insults, to a point. He challenged me to a fight, and bragged that he could easily beat me, and I thought I could prove him wrong. In some way, I'm sure, he fanned my youthful pride. I remember meeting him in the woods behind our school a couple nights after. He had friends with him, but I was not scared, I was confident, and when we faced each other, we engaged quickly. This did not take courage. After a quick scuffle, after a swift and fierce exchange, I remember somehow forcing him to the ground, locking my arm in a way about him and using my leg so he could not move, and then raising my right arm balling it into a fist, and holding it a bit away from him. It was pointed at his head and far enough away that I could quickly get the momentum to execute fast and hard blows. He was swearing and struggling and snarling at me, his face was rabid and angry, the pride and arrogance he had expressed in the school yard was not diminished by the fact that I was holding him down, immobile.

I waited there, with my fist above his head and face. He stopped struggling so fiercly but his face was still contorted in anger, he spat at me with his eyes. He was breathing heavily, angrily. After some time more, I said, quite clearly,

"I will not do this." Then I released him, got up, and walked to the trees at the edge of the clearing, as he lay on the dirt floor and his three friends looked at me, shocked. I said, "You can laugh if you want." Then I walked away.

I think, in some small way on the edge of that clearing, I found a small bit of what I mean when I say 'courage.'

:: Zaid 7:50 PM [+] ::

:: Monday, September 09, 2002 ::

Salaam,

I thought of a lot of things I take for granted today. For instance, the Sun rose very red through the Younge St. smog, and I noted how I only really appreciate the sun in Bahrain. I should probably take some time out here to do that. It very unnaturally red, and its reflection on the egg-shells I'd cracked to make breakfast made them all bleed. Eggs. I remembered, this morning, as my eggs came out half-done how my mother takes for granted when she makes them perfect. Solid, but not hard, with just a hint of yolk slipping and sliding over the white, but not falling off or soaking the bread, as it was with my breakfast this morning. I picked up a couple perfect dates on my way out this morning, and noticed that I had started taking them for granted too. They were large and sweet and satisfying, one of the best things I have in my fridge, and I've started popping them like popcorn. (Well, not quite.)

In my Torts class, Professor Ryder noted a few times how he really didn't know the answer to certain questions. If the defendent, Ortho pharmaceuticals, had appealed on the grounds of the negligence of the doctor not to inform the respondent of the dangers of its products, would that limit the liability of Ortho? He didn't know, it wasn't up to him, but the Supreme Court to decide. It was interesting to note how used I've become to taking the certainty of Professors for granted.

A really funny quote I heard today was when one of my classmates, discussing something called the "intermediary rule" which allows a manufacturer to shirk the responsibility of informing a consumer by informing a "learned intermediary," said "Doctors don't prescribe cigarettes!"

We can certainly hope not.

Quote of the day? It was probably something which a student in my Torts class said, when discussing a case of a man who had eventually had both his legs amputated due to a disease in some part caused by his smoking. This highly addicted chain-smoker sued a Tobacco company for damages, despite the fact that he continued smoking against his doctor's advice after he'd lost his first leg. My classmate stated his skepticism of the man's chances in course and was about to go on but could not because the class had broken out laughing.

In the middle of his rant, my classmate had started to phrase his skepticism as:

"He hasn't got a leg to stand on..."

:: Zaid 1:24 PM [+] ::

:: Sunday, September 08, 2002 ::

Salaam,

Yesterday was a really cool day. I woke up and talked to my parents for a few minutes, then ran to my Contracts class. It was more properly content than the last lesson, which was half introduction, and so I had fun participating a bit more. Our Criminal prof took about 15 minutes to get set up for the next class, which was fine with me because I had forgotten my small but thick "Pocket Criminal Code" downstairs and so I leaped down 4 or 5 steps at a time (and up again) to retrieve it and not be late. Unfortunately we talked a lot about the Web Handouts, and as I had not printed them out, I didn't have much to which to refer.

Afterwards, I headed down the baseball pitch, ate some "Pizza Pizza," drank some "Brisk," and after consulting with a law school student who was formerly an accountant, headed down to the West Office Building to hand in an OSAP form. This I did, and followed it by retrieving my "tuition amount statement" for last year. Then I headed back to the baseball game and made it just as it was ending. I hung out with at a friend's place in Passey afterwards then, after presentation of the "Spirit Awards," ended up studying about 6-8 hours. We had some great discussions and good debates about the specifics of contracts cases and the principles behind them, I actually had a lot of fun. Afterwards I hung out with Dany for an hour in the arcade then headed home to sleep.

I would update this page more animatedly, and with today's entry, but it's late I think I had better sleep.

:: Zaid 2:27 AM [+] ::

:: Thursday, September 05, 2002 ::

Dell Canada has some really nice people working for it, but I'm afraid its IT systems need some work. They also need a LOT more people. I waited thirty minutes to an hour this morning, as soon as I woke up (at 7:30 am), and finally got someone on the line. He was courteous, helpful, and proactive, but I'm afraid his computer system wasn't. When I tried to upgrade my purchase, his system regularly added fifty to two hundred dollars to the price of the upgrade. Eventually, he ended up manually adjusting the price. After a long ordering process due to the difficult computer, however, he was very helpful in arranging for a payment plan. Now I'm in the waiting stage.

After ordering the PC I went to the bank and lined up to pick up a certified check. I met a few people in the line, which made it bearable, and ended up deciding that I didn't have time to wait. So I did some readings instead and headed down to Criminal Law. My prof for Criminal Law was surprisingly young for someone who is teaching in a law school. I was a bit worried that her youth might affect her teaching, but a friend of mine assures me that she is an excellent prof and from reading her handouts and seeing how she operates, I have to come to believe that class should be pretty fun. She did tell us that she doesn't use the Socratic method, an aggressive teaching style that I was looking forward to, but it turns out that very few of my profs seem to use it after all.

After Criminal Law, Torts, where the prof has a very relaxed style. He went methodically from point to point and neither seemed to be in a rush, nor (despite his protestations otherwise) did he seem to belabor any point, he was just really relaxed while he taught. There wasn't as much class participation as I would prefer in either class, but there was enough that I was able to participate, and I think that as we get deeper into a few issues it will come.

After class was, as usual during frosh week, free lunch time. I have a habit, I think, of overdoing the things I like, and I think that taking those two extra pieces of carrot cat (albeit small), was overdoing it just a tad. They were SWEET. I didn't manage to get to the tables with the meat on them, but a lot of vegetables, some veggie sandwiches, and an orange juice satisfied me enough.

Last year, I spent a great deal of time in the "Harry Arthurs Common Room," which is a great place to study, sleep, and all in all do anything. It so happened that one of my upper level advisors was Professor Harry Arthurs, and that was interesting. I had assumed that they would only name a room after someone who was long past away. Well Professor Harry Arthurs was certainly alive and kicking, and he gave some good advice to use.

Professor Arthurs reminded (I think in this stage in my/our life/lives a lot of advice turns out to be eloquent "reminders" rather than new information) us that learning the law, like learning many things, was more about learning a "process" then any sort of end result. I think that's a good thing to be reminded of. In my Criminal Law class, Professor Sonia Lawrence reminded us of something the Chief Justice of Ontario had said last night, something that I particularly appreciated then and was grateful to hear again today: "Success is Incremental."

I think that right now I'll go add the increment entitled "naptime" to my overall collection of success. ;)

:: Zaid 3:38 PM [+] ::

Once more I'm at my computer, late at night, tired as anything. Another great day at law school just ended. I was lucky enough to sleep in, my class only starting at 2:40. So I got up at 10:00, called my mother, talked to her while I ate breakfast, and then headed down to pick my books up from my locker and do some studying in the library. I was lucky enough to finish my studying and end up in the Osgoode courtyard while there was still free food available. A burger or two filled me up and I headed up to my first class in Contracts. We discussed the reading, which was basically about restitution, reliance, and expectancy. These are fancy words for describing how a breach of contract should be dealt with. Restitution means a mere transfer-back of exchanged monetary value between the two parties, while using a reliance standard means that the promisee should be put into the position he was in before the promisor broke the contract, and using a standard of reliance suggests that the promisee should be put into a position where he is financially able to achieve the position he would have been in had the contract not been ended. We also talked about the difference between common law and civil law and a little bit more about the history of law in Canada. Eventually we applied the aforementioned principles to a hypothetical situation the professor introduced. That was fun.

Come to think of it, the reading has generally been engaging and fun as well. Come to think of it, the events have been fun. Come to think of it, the people have also been fun. Something had better change here, or I'm going to start to think that law school is a pretty fun place to be in ;).

After class I hopped on a bus with my section and we headed down to the Old Osgoode building downtown where we met up with the Chief Justice of Ontario, a bunch of Appelate court justices and some others working in the profession. The Old Osgoode building was massive, and beautiful, I would have loved to go to school there. We took one picture of the entire class on the steps, but I can imagine hanging out on those steps all the time as a student, that would have been fun. Too bad they switched locations. After a few speeches I joined a tour group headed by one of the Appelate court judges and he took us on a tour through the building. Of particular interest was his own fairly well-appointed office. We ALL had comments about how much reading he could do in a day.

Well, after some wine and cheese shmoozing with the professionals, we ended up at a bar/restaurant in the heart of downtown Toronto, the Montana. I like the place, but after a bit more shmoozing and spending 10 minutes bragging to some lawyer about how "damn good-looking" our entire section was (I guess I got caught up in the mob-like enthusiasm for section competition ;> (boy that's fun!)) and an hour or more maybe of hanging out with my class and I took my leave and headed back up to Osgoode.

Books from the locker, an empty classroom, and I'm finished my readings for tommorrow. The walk home was nice.

What did I learn today? I learned that it takes the more "professional" the photographer, the more times it takes him to get a class picture right. I learned that Appelate court judges don't have it easy. I learned that communally screaming "Section A will kick your ass!" while walking onto the property of the Ontario Court of Appeal and into the presence of the Chief Justice of Ontario isn't the greatest idea a frosh leader has ever come up with.

:: Zaid 1:08 AM [+] ::

:: Wednesday, September 04, 2002 ::

Today was my first day at law school. I had slept late, used to the late nights of my vacation, and so getting up relatively early to get to the registration on time was a necessary, albeit bothersome evil. I suspect after a few weeks of it, however, I will come again to enjoy early rising.

It is easy for people to remember people, places, and things. The reason the things are memorable, however, are because of how they effect people, and the reason that places are memorable, is because of the people who occupy them. This first day at Osgoode Hall Law School was memorable because of the people I met there. I met people of all backgrounds, here a person who worked for a criminal boutique, there a person who workd in corporate finance, here a girl from Australia, there a boy from Singapore. For the most part they were all energetic, and positive, and responded to each other well.

After registration, in which I must have met three David's, three Ryan's, and of course three Jeff's, (among other people of course), I bought my books then congregated on the lawn to learn the class cheers. The contrast between the peppy over-enthusiastic students and the disallusioned ones was quite amusing. It's funny though, how a mob screaming with you can make you actually feel like screaming. So we screamed.

Lunch was acceptable, healthy, and I always appreciate that. Our "mascot" was a palm tree (section 'A's mascot that is), and of course I was reminded of the date palms of Bahrain. I went to do some bank work and order a laptop after lunch, I did the bank work, but after about 45 minutes on hold with Dell I had to get ready for the bus ride to the boat cruise. So I hung up on a 45 minute wait.

The bus ride, with only a relatively small group who would have to get used to working with each other, was interesting. It felt a bit like high school. We had fun with our cheer throughout, our best one was:

Taunt: "Section A!"
Response: "Damn, we're good-looking!"

After a fairly active bus ride, we got to the boat. It was a large, split-level ferry with hardwood floors, a DJ, good music, a bar, a light buffet, and an excellent view. Watching the waves go by, making intelligent conversation with intelligent people as the CN tower rises ahead in front of you, it's a good feeling. By the end of the night I was thoroughly exhausted, and the ride home, while I had some interest conversations on it, was taken up mostly but a drift into a half-sleep.

One which I am in right now. So I suppose I must finally sleep.

Were there any surprises? No. But you know, I guess today illustrated that you don't need to be surprised to have a good time.

:: Zaid 1:02 AM [+] ::